I barely notice the little pad of paper that sits near the base of my monitor on my work desk. It simply resides there now with the assorted clutter that comes with the clerical nature of accounts payable, neighbors with a few staple removers, paperclip chains, old and new post-its, cheery colored flags and paper that reproduces like single cell amoebas.
When I do notice it, I realize that when I'm at work, I have very few creative thoughts. That was interesting to acknowledge. I work at a start-up, so the duties I have are at least a job and a half or two jobs. I'm never done. It's just a matter of accepting what it is and deftly managing all my superiors and co-workers who need various things from me. Not sure how deftly I do that, but know I'm drained at end of day.
My direct supervisor is on maternity leave and her manager oversees our little team and he is mellow, nice, thoughtful, smart and very good with people. Not a blamer, just shoots straight to how to handle whatever.
On-leave manager is very A personality. Gets angry, speaks with anger, drills people. We are really hoping the baby mellows her. I'm going to his 60 day birthday party tomorrow night. My co-worker and I went in on a gift. She is a full-fledged accountant and has stepped up and done great work. I don't think she'll get yelled at anymore. But we don't know. I'm sure I will. So we went big and bought the baby a Tiffany silver spoon. We joke endlessly with each other that when on-leave manager comes back and gets angry with us, we will visualize the spoon and project it into her brain, wear pendants with spoons on them, have t-shirts made with silver spoons, wear spoon earrings, spoon hair accessories and on and on. Remember we spent too much money on you for direct reports? We don't mind at all.
So, my creative right brain at work, has to be partners with lefty. It's all about organizing that works for me, creating a schedule and procedures to get through my various loads that work for me-not what on-leave manager thinks it should be. Forming relationships with all the people in the organization that I need information from. Righty is busy figuring out how to live in society not forming words that touch people and express that deep longing in my soul. Maybe those words are being stored by Lefty, would be nice.
I haven't meditated in ages, but I do yoga almost everyday. I walk several times a week. I have a boyfriend which is another way of growing. Getting this relationship in middle age has been very cool. Lot to be said about that timing, perhaps another time.
We hiked a bit at Mt. Shasta a few weeks ago. I never knew that area was so mountain filled. Incredible. Loved the whole spiritual vibe, we saw a cloud ship, the majesty and beauty and peace overflows the mind. We stretched ourselves and discovered in each other that we're good hiking partners, reasonably good athletes, love pushing ourselves, can't wait to get out more. Have talked about getting a small tent.
I didn't go to Burning Man this year. I missed it. Now I miss the after affects, the processing of all the experiences. I'll try for a ticket next year, I have no idea how the process will be.
I do get tired of people saying it isn't what it used to be, it's this or that, some people who have never gone have very vocal opinions. I say, it changes like every thing changes. Younger people will go and become loyal. Some will never go back. Old timers will eventually stop going. It's evolution and life. When you're there, you start experiencing it. That part I think, does not change.
No matter the red tape, the logistics of managing 55,000 people in the middle of a desert, no matter the rules or lack of, or whatever...it is being there, with 55,000 people, building your home, having your mind blown by art, nature, music, being solitary and hearing your own voice with 55,000 people. There is work, yes, building camp, keeping it clean, keeping food supply eatable, keeping your body going in the heat, getting along with your people, seeing yourself as you are, without the comfortable crutches we are so accustomed to back in default world.
Yeah, I missed it. Here in the bay area, so many people go, I see the dust covered cars here and there and my heart shatters for a minute then reforms.